life has been better, life has been worse (i suppose, dont know if i can say that and tell the truth fully) but all i know is that im not sure this is the life that i really want...
i miss my friends, i miss my family, i miss my home - i want to go back to it all.
oh, and i apologize to erin cause i STILL need to get you a bday/grad present - sorry! i just never know when im gonna see you...
nb5689: i ask my mom if i can do something
nb5689: she's like "no - i wanna go over some stuff with you"
nb5689: so thats fucking irritating
nb5689: then i ask if we were eating mashed potatoes with dinner and she says no
nb5689: damnit is my response as im walking away cause mashed potatoes sound good basically
nb5689: then she fucking goes off on me and is like "how abou this - how about you dont do anything and are grounded for the next 3 weeks and dont have your car at all!"
nb5689: i was kinda thinking wtf did i do
nb5689: and she goes off on a rant about how i dont eat what they make for dinner that much anywayz and swearing at her because we didnt have mashed potatoes
nb5689: i was like "mom - im not swearing at you"
nb5689: and then just basically stops, "calms down" and asks if i have work friday and if im hungry before dinner and want a snack
nb5689: so now im tired, have a headache and wanna slap my mom across the face
BigOldBoomStick: godamn, does she do this shit regularly?
nb5689: to a point
nb5689: like.. if i get irritated with something or seem mean to her or somehow rude to her (at least in her eyes - because me telling me mom there was a car coming b/c it didnt look like she saw it was somehow treating her like shit one day) she gets all fucking defensive and annoyed and says that i dont care about her or hate her or treat her like shit, and then either gets huffy and stomps away like a fucking two year old or threatens me then walks/stomps away and then the next time shes in contact with me (which could be like a few minutes later) she acts like nothing happened and that shes not pissed and shes trying to kiss my ass for risk of me being mad at her
this was what i got to do just about 2 minutes after i woke up from being tired as all fuck after working for over 8 hours. yea... im not exactly very happy - the only nice thing is that i kept hearing thunder. however.. i kinda wanna go back to sleep
- today's emotion is..: tired
is it supposed to work like that??
- today's emotion is..: tired
*raises hand* ooooooooooooooooooooooooo - me!!!
fuck.. i'm tired as all hell, i think im gonna go to sleep. brambling (yes, brambling) in here isn't helping me a whole lot anywayz so it's kinda pointless...
- today's emotion is..: confused
oh man.. things have been just plain weird lately for me. i think it might just be today and how tired i am and the fact that it's d day and i barely have any classes at all during d day and didn't follow my "normal" routine for d days. i don't know.. *thinks* it's really interesting going to the union by yourself though, and just kind of observing how things are around you. oh yeah, that reminds me, i wanna make sure that amanda got her camera fixed.
yay - a new episode of house is actually on tomorrow. rrr.. i hope that my mom says theo can come over and wach it cause i'm like "bah!" cause i got to see him saturday, but of course once me, him and emily got back to my house and started watching stuff i got all sleepy and whatnot. i'm just like gr cause i really wanna see him alone and hang out just with each other sometime soon, which hasn't been for quite awhile...
i swear there was something else that i was gonna say in here but i'm not quite sure what it was *thinks* i'm kind of excited about watching arlo and kirby starting friday, i just really wish that my mom would let me stay overnight there because it's gonna be such a pain in the ass after awhile going there in the mornings before school and especially on the weekends when i work at 7. at least i don't have to be to school 'till about 10 to 8 if i wanna get myself in order.
i don't know.. sorry if i'm boring everyone. i honestly just needed a random place to put my thoughts and whatnot into - i guess this entry would definately not be one of those "meant for entertainment" ones. *scuttles around*
i love theo! *does a lil dances* (sorry - again, i feels like it's been awhile since we've been able to be truly alone)
- today's emotion is..: nauseated
- listening to:whatever is on channel 5
- today's emotion is..: cold
i'm just not quite sure if i wanna fix it or push myself deeper into it until the pain eventually goes away or im so lost that i cant feel it anymore
- today's emotion is..: discontent
did i mention pathetic as part of my recipe? ok.. well that's part of it too.
oh yeah, and motivation would be a great thing to have right now. unforunately that's not there either.. :-/
- today's emotion is..: cynical